Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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