I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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