I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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