all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just invented taco cereal.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
