I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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