Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
