I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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