so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
