Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
