dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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