he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
