Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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