She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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