this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
