The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize