is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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