You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I didn't notice because vodka
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
