You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
