So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
