he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
