Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
