i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
