Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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