first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize