my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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