If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
