Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of course I have a pirate flag
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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