It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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