Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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