He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
