If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
