No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
