i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize