there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can you bring me the toilet please
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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