I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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