The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
