How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
