I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was CRYING into my vagina
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
