Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
