The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
