Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i came on her dog
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
