i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize