ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
