i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My ass is underappreciated
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
