If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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