im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
