He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
