One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
