forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
