I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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