Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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