I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
