last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
