I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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