if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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