hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
