Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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