so explain again why im purple
no
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
