Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Houston, we have a squirter
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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