I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize