Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
