This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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