I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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