every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
