What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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