someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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