dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
