Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
