After last night, I could never be a politician.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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