I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
