She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
