Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
