I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
