Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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