Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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