yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
