hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's shark week go big or go home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
