wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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