Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
