yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
