Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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