i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
