That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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