Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
