Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
