I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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