So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
