There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
