my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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