found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
