I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
