don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
