4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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