I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
