Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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