I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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