Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
