Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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