So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
