I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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