he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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