Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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